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Tuesday, 2 April 2013

A year from now, you'll be glad you started today

Today has been a quiet day. I woke up with two little bundles in bed with me (something I try not to allow every day! But ahh, what bliss when I do) and was treated to Sprout announcing, as the sun streamed in through the window onto Bean and I, that he 'loves us both quite much'. We have pottered and played, read stories, cuddled and laughed and squeezed each other lots. My boys are becoming the very best of friends - giggling so much at each other over dinner, their fish pie barely stood a chance of making it into their mouths. I've cleaned the house several times and it still looks like a small army has trooped through it... but the daily mash of pots and pans and toys and odd socks trailed all over the place doesn't bother me. It's the happy signs of life in our lovely little home. We are really very, very happy here.

I have been mulling over this blog for a while, feeling a little bad that I've been neglecting it. But in the post holiday lull I had very little to write about. I don't like to reach around for something to say - I believe that when something needs saying, it tends to pop up of it's own accord, and there's nothing much to be gained from hurrying the process along. Sometimes I have useful or interesting things to say but there's also art in knowing when I don't!

Having said that, there is some small news of the bear hunt to share. I have finally filed for divorce. It's taken 14 months to get here, but I don't mind. I am very glad that I waited until now to send off the petition. Today it feels like paperwork, a bit of admin that needs taking care of. I no longer feel it is a great knife cleaving my family in two. I cited adultery, I didn't name the OW. In the grand scheme of things, I can be happy today with my own truth. I know, and STBXH knows, just how we got to where we are.

I have plenty of things to look forward to as well. Bean is days away from crawling, his little face set firm with the determination he has been bursting with since birth. Sprout is a gorgeous chatterbox who makes me laugh all the time with his toddler observations - I can't wait to get to know him more as he teaches me to see the world newly day by day.

As they grow, my life is opening back up again, filling up with fun. I feel excited about what might be around the corner. Tomorrow night I'll be catching up with one of my oldest and dearest friends, whose simple presence in my life makes me happy, I realise now how grateful I am that I can make space for him again. Sending the divorce petition felt like closing a door, while throwing open all the windows in my house. Can you feel it? Spring is on the way, and I want the fresh air to fill up every corner of my life! This is the year of the Dragon. It's a year for me, and my boys. No more worrying about the ones we've left behind.

And my last bit of news is the one I am most quietly proud of today. I officially became self employed this week, so my business as a life coach has begun. When I take a moment to reflect on everything that has happened to me in a year, I can't help but feel glad that the bear hunt began after all. Every step has brought me closer to happiness in the end.

5 comments:

  1. It took me 3 years to file for divorce, it really was the right thing to do for me, it would have been way too raw in the early days. I send much love and hope your happiness and contented state of mind stay with you always.

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  2. thank you :) I know that time is on my side, with a little patience and tolerance all things come right in the end. Even the things that seem so very wrong at the start. Sending much love back!

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  3. Just reading your blog makes me feel stronger and more capable of dealing with the more difficult aspects of my own life. You are so wise. I am constantly worrying 'I should be able to do this by now' and ' I should be over that by now' and a million variations of the same. I guess you can't put a date on things. They are what they are and you can't hurry the emotional process. Much love to you and your little angels.

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    1. I'm so glad that what I've posted has been helpful. I know it helps me to get it all down and think about it. I realised this year that there's no egg timer running out pushing me to tick all the boxes... it's just a best foot forwards kind of situation. Keep walking and before you know it, the bad stuff seems far away from you, I hope that you find that too! Much love to you and yours as well x

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  4. I like your blog. You have a good approach. Stick with it!

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